“Cock-block Master” (#CbM, if you want to talk about it on twitter): An attractive couple are secretly filmed on a date without their knowledge or consent, and three contestants have to see who can cock-block them the worst. The couple are never told they were part of a game show until it goes to air.
“Hipsters”: A lot like “Hoarders”. Friends and/or family of hipsters call in a professional counsellor to see if, together, they can find the root of and cure the hipstering. Dialogue will be like this:
“How about we just undo that top button and do you really need those glasses if they don’t have problems with your eyesight?”
“NO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”
“Ok, ok, we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
This will probably air on some public broadcasting channel, as I see it as a public service.
“40 Kids and Cunting”: This is a lot like “19 Kids and Counting”, only starring me when I have a lot of kids. I’m thinking like 40 or something. Instead of dance being discouraged like in the Duggar household, each of my children will learn a different type of dance; salsa, break, ballroom, etc. and they will put on dance shows across the country and I will keep the proceeds. I’ve still yet to decide what the “Cunting” part is; I only put it in there to be puerile, but it’s become a deal-breaker for me.
“Say Yes to “Say Yes to the Dress””: A show all about people watching -and enjoying- “Say Yes to the Dress”.
“Hell-evator”: A CCTV based show, where footage is found of when two people are in an elevator and one of them farts and it’s obvious which one of them it was but neither of them say anything. Afterwards we’ll catch up with the victims and they’ll retell their stories alongside dramatic recreations of the event. Narrated by a man with a frighteningly deep voice.
“Freak in the Tweets”: A show where people step onto a stage and read their tweets to a live studio audience and a panel of judges, who then individually say whether they’d “Favourite.”, “Retweet.”, or “Scroll right on by.” (A spin-off could be made for tumblr, where people bring in their favourite images of One Direction or Sherlock.)
“Accountability”: A show all about the life of a standard accountant in an accountancy firm. If you’re thinking this sounds like a stretch too far, I should like to tell you that there’s a show about people who bid on abandoned storage units and then root through their stuff in their newly purchased storage unit to sell it for a profit. Barry is my favourite on “Storage Wars”; he’s a real card. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.
“Sides and Sandwiches”: A show all about working in a diner. Mostly this one is for the clever title (it sounds a bit like Pride and Prejudice, GET IT?!). It will probably only run for a season or two. Two of the waitresses will be young, busty and above all sassy, and will probably make a showbiz career off the back of this show. One other waitress would older and take-no-nonsense because she’s “seen it all before, sweetie.” She wouldn’t be fat, but definitely overweight. Her hair would be dyed dark red, but badly so you could still see her greying roots. Probably lots of DRAAAMAAA!
“Thin Film”: A show where contestants have to sit through an entire film with someone who is known for being terrible to watch films with. The person will ask questions through the entire film that either they should know the answer to if they were paying attention or that nobody knows the answer to because the film hasn’t revealed it yet. If you manage to watch the film without breaking down, you win a copy of the film on VHS.
“The X Factor”: A show where people come and tell their sob stories. Sometimes there might be singing.
“Queer Eye for the Homophobic- but not overtly homophobic- Guy”: We find a man who is uncomfortable around camp men, but also one that recognises it’s not socially acceptable to be homophobic, so keeps it bottled up, and we have two of the CAMPEST men you will ever meet redecorate his house and redesign his wardrobe. How far can the push him? To the point of mental illness? Tune in and find out.
“Extreme Sassing”: The sassy waitresses from “Sides and Sandwiches” careers will fail after less than a year, and that’s when we approach them and ask them to take part in “Extreme Sassing”, where they give sass to people who don’t deserve it; the elderly, polite customer service representatives, etc. We’ll call them the “Sass-ters”.
“The Food Show (The show for foodies)”: We gather a group of around twenty people who describe themselves as “Foodies” or “food enthusiasts”, and then a much larger group of the general public hurls microwavable meals at them, relentlessly and without apology.
